Almost Lover
by Jessi84
Summary: This is a songfic based on the song "Almost Lover" from A Fine Frenzy. It's DuCaine. Why can't he be more than an almost lover?


**Title: Almost Lover**

**By: Jessi84**

**Rating: PG**

**Pairing: Horatio/Calleigh**

**Warnings: slight spoilers for everyone who hasn****'****t seen ****"****Shock****"**** yet**

**Disclaimer: Characters aren****'****t mine. They belong to Jerry Bruckheimer. The song ****"****Almost Lover****"**** isn****'****t mine either, it belongs to A Fine Frenzy**

**Notes: This happens when I****'****m alone at home and listen to the radio.**

_**Almost Lover**_

**Your fingertips across my skin**

It had felt like heaven when he had touched her so many years ago and she could still feel the tingle that had run down her spine when he did. Never before she had thought that a crime scene could evoke such emotions in her, but it had. When Adele Sevilla had pointed to her little passengers, her heart had stopped, but not because of happiness. Leeches! God she hated these slimy creatures, which apparently liked her a lot, especially her blood.

But when she felt his fingertips on her skin, oh it felt so good.

"May I?" he had asked but instead of answering him in words, all she had done was nod.

**The palm trees swaying in the wind**

She still heard the wind, her own chuckle when he said goodbye to the leeches in his unique way. She still smelt the air when he had freed her from the leeches. And even now her heart was beating faster as she thought about it.

**You sang me Spanish lullabies**

She couldn't help but smile when this particular episode came into her mind. It had been a case a long, long time ago. She had still been new to Miami and even though she spoke Spanish fluently, a lullaby hadn't been in her repertoire. There had been Cuban refugees involved in a case, including an infant. Thanks to Sgt. Stetler the mother hadn't been able to keep her little son with her, but had to leave him with some police officer, and neither had a hand for babies, nor spoke a word of Spanish.

She had found the officer and infant in the hallway as the crying of the baby resounded through the halls. She had tried to hush it, even rocking it in her arms, but to no avail. Then her hero had appeared, alarmed by the noises. Without thinking, he had taken the child from her arms and sat down on one of the plastic chairs. First she had thought that she was hearing things, but then she realized that she wasn't. The fearless leader of the Miami Dade Crime Lab was singing to the baby in his arms, like every father would do.

**The sweetest sadness in your eyes**

And when he had looked up at her, satisfied that the boy had fallen asleep, she had seen the sadness in his blue eyes. From that day on, she hadn't been able to look into these soul filled eyes without thinking about the enormous sadness they hid.

**I never want to see you unhappy**

And she knew that he was unhappy. She knew that he wanted a family. His own family. She knew that he feared that he would never have one on his own. He had never said it in words, but his look had told her more than thousands word could.

**I thought you'd want the same for me**

And he wasn't the only one. She wanted it too. She wanted to hear little feet running through her home. She wanted to be a mother. She wanted to have a family.

**Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream**

Everyone had said that they were like lovers, yet their bodies didn't know. But was it like that? Had the others seen more into it than there had been? Had _she_ seen more into it than there had been?

**I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?**

But it was useless to try. She had to think about him. How could she not? She saw him every day. How could you not think about someone who was so present in your life?

**So long, my luckless romance**

Of course she had tried to find someone else, but no man was like him. No man could ever be like this special man. He was unique in every way. She had never met a man like him before, and, though she was still young, she knew that she'd never meet such a man in her future.

**My back is turned on you**

She couldn't watch him when he was talking with other women. She was jealous. No, she was furious. Every time a woman had flirted with him and he in his gentle way had flirted back, her gun lab had been her hideaway where she could let go of her frustrations.

**Should have known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do**

If she had known that before, she would have never fallen in love with him, but now it was too late. Too late for her. Too late for her stupid heart, which struggled against every chance to fall for another man.

**We walked along a crowded street  
You took my hand and danced with me  
Images**

Oh, she wished it was true. She knew that he was a great dancer, though she had never seen him dance. But it was the way he walked, so gracefully, so purposefully. Like every step wasn't made by accident. Nothing he did was done by accident. No smile, no sigh, no wave, not even breathing.

**And when you left, you kissed my lips  
You told me you would never, never forget  
These images**

She desired to be kissed by him. She needed to feel his soft lips against her lips. She needed to hear the words, that he would never leave her, that he would never forget her. Because she knew he would mean it. She knew that he never broke his promises. Not now, not ever.

**No  
I'd never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me**

"Please," she almost begged him with her eyes, but he wouldn't listen. All she wanted was them to be happy, but it seemed that either he couldn't read her as well as she did him, or he didn't want to. She didn't know. All she knew was that she needed him to be happy once again in her life. No, to be happy the first time in her life.

**  
I cannot go to the ocean**

How could she? The ocean was his place. It was his hideaway after a tough case. His place to wash away the grime that came with the violence every crime scene showed. Everyone knew it. Everyone knew where to find him after a case. Yet nobody told him that they knew. But somehow she suspected that he already knew, knew that his secret was safe with them.

**I cannot drive the streets at night**

Even though they worked in day shift, they sometimes had to work at night. She wasn't entirely sure if he did it on purpose, but every time they had a case at night, she was on his team and therefore she would ride with him. Not that she minded. They always had a lot of fun while driving, especially when it came to the right choice of radio station. While he favoured the classical one, she needed her country station. Most of the time she won, just on special occasions, when he was in a wonderful mood, they played the "station switch game", which consisted of two happy CSIs who did their best to stop the other from listening to their favourite radio station. Sometimes they played it until they arrived at the crime scene, getting out of the Hummer with big smiles on their flushed faces. Everyone around them wondered what had happened. But they never told. It was their secret.

**I cannot wake up in the morning  
Without you on my mind**

So often it had been his voice that woke her up. Like the one time in her lab, when she had fallen asleep and it had been him who found her like that. She had never felt so embarrassed before, but, being the gentleman he was, he never mentioned it again. No. Instead of chiding her, he had gotten her a cup of coffee just the way he knew she loved it.

**So you're gone and I'm haunted  
And I bet you are just fine**

He was more than fine. His shy smile had told her everything when she had given him the team's wedding present. A bottle of the best champagne, the one she knew he loved. The one _she_ wanted to drink with him. She didn't want him to drink it with _her_. Not with that woman. A woman he knew nothing about, a woman he had known for just for 3 months or so. A woman who was dying, whether or not she admitted it. A woman he would have no future with. A woman who couldn't provide what he wanted the most – a family.

**Did I make it that  
Easy to walk right in and out  
Of my life?**

Had it been right? Not telling him about her feelings? Not having the guts to approach him? Was it her fault that he was about to marry someone else than her? Should she have fought more for him? Should she have fought at all? Or was it their fate to be separated? Living their lives on their own? Being friends but nothing more? Being boss and subordinate? Being Lt. Caine and Det. Duquesne?

**  
Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?  
So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should have known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do**


End file.
